You may have heard of the “apple experiment.” It’s all over the internet. You take an apple, cut it in half, and put each half in a jar. To the “good” apple, you say nice things. To the “bad” apple, … Continue reading
Two Ingredient Gluten-free Dairy-free Oreo Cookies and Milk (Paleo and Vegan friendly) So many of us wish we could enjoy classic snacks like Oreo cookies and milk, but it can be so hard to find ingredients that are safe and … Continue reading
I vowed I would never make an “x number of reasons”–type post, but I’m breaking that vow, because I’ve just discovered I had a very good reason for making that vow in the first place.
I couldn’t put it in words before, but now I have a theory: those lists are not as harmless as they seem.
This morning, during my customary pre-reality scrolling, I noticed an article called “13 reasons why being Neurotic is actually really good for your health.”
I won’t insult the author or myself by picking it apart, because that’s neither here, nor there. It is a free country, and anyone may write what they wish. Allow me, however, to compose my own list about why I think this is potentially catastrophic.
1. Lists have started to get out of hand
Buzzfeed, perhaps, is the culprit. I adore Buzzfeed. It’s addicting, charming, and full of pizazz. As great as Buzzfeed is (though not everyone agrees with me), the explosion of spin-off lists is getting, frankly, ridiculous. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, they say, and no one is as flattering as the Internet.
My personal favorite: “19 Things Only Women with A Low Maintenance Fashion Sense Understand.” And by “favorite” I mean “least favorite.” You’ll see.
2. Any ol’ topic can take up valuable brain space
The Internet has been called the “great equalizer,” and I’d say it’s one of the most important, necessary inventions of all time. The problem comes in when people let trivial things masquerade as serious things. If you want to write “52 Reasons Tom Hiddleston should run for Supreme Ruler of the Universe ,” make sure you send me a link. I’m all about it. What I’m not about is having a news feed cluttered with so many lists, desperately screaming to get noticed, that I scroll past actual information that I ought to care deeply about. World news, for instance. Worthy causes. Local current events.
3. A list format can dumb down important topics
This is similar to the last one, but let me elaborate, because I’m not diminishing the value of a Hiddleston post, or even one about cute fluffy cats. We all need a little Internet therapy. If, however, you are trying to give me useful information about social issues, health concerns, or other important data, do not insult yourself or your readers by making it into a cutesy, inane list. Give yourself, and your reader, more credit.
4. Cognitive dissonance can happen
So I’m reading a list, right, and it’s all, “23 Things All Girls Secretly Want” and I’m thinking…ummm…no. I’m a girl, and I want approximately 3.8 of those things. And none of them are secret.
So, what are my options? Dismiss the entire list out of hand? Only accept the parts that are correct? But, it says ALL. The good people of the Internet wouldn’t lie…would they? Hopefully I was wise enough to scroll serenely past, but what if I have foolishly already followed the link? Now I have inner conflict. Great.
5. Identity competition
Later I’m reading yet another list, and it’s telling me “10 Reasons Why Introverts Are Incredibly Attractive People”.
I happen to be an Introvert, so, yay! I am now understood! If only everyone on the planet could read this exact list, then they’d finally, you know, get me. I’d no longer be misunderstood, invisible, and alone. Ha! Take that, universe!
Meanwhile, the girls next door are giggling over “21 Things Only Best Friends Understand” and a guy across town is reading “13 Problems Only Gamers Understand” and a business professional somewhere is feverishly scrolling through “14 Things Productive People Do In The First 15 Minutes of Their Workday” on their coffee break. Each will share this on their favorite social media platform, so they can identify as a “best friend” or a “gamer” or a “productive person.” Shew! Now we all have types of people to be. We’d never have an identity without a list.
6. It could just possibly increase stereotypes
But if I’m reading the same list, and I’m NOT an Introvert…then, what am I supposed to think? I’m not as good? Certainly, every introvert must match every single one of those 10 things I just read. But how do I tell if someone is an Introvert? My friend so-and-so doesn’t talk much. He or she must be introverted. Now I know all about his or her personality, because I read the list! No need to get to know anyone on an individual basis anymore. Sweet.
Oh, wait. What about me? Thankfully there’s a list for Extroverts, too. And something apparently called an Ambivert. I didn’t know that was a thing, but now I do. Hail, O Great and Reliable Internet!
And let’s not forget that list about 23 Things All Girls Secretly Want. We all hope you didn’t actually buy into that, but…if you did…there could be some ramifications, shall we say.
7. What if my new-found identity is harmful?
Thank goodness we now have the neat little box of “introvert,” “best friend,” “gamer,” or “productive person!” Now we have an identity, and we can reach out to others in our group for social support.
This actually is an important part of connecting to others through shared values, and for, say, the introvert on a path of self-discovery, the new freshman reading “10 Things You should Know Before You Start College” or the prospective parent commiserating with “20 Annoying Things That Pregnant Women Have To Deal With” is actually a very valuable use of time. For people actually in these groups, this is an interesting, informative way to navigate a perfectly healthy identity.
If, however, your identity, is, say, neuroticism (as in, the list that sparked this post) or something even more harmful, such as an eating disorder (for example: 70 Reasons Not To Eat), or the hatred of other people (12 Reasons Why Hating People Can Be Good for the Soul)…perhaps it would be better not to embrace these particular things as a way of life.
8. “Admittance is the first step.”
Cliche, but true. There are people in your situation all over the world, and chances are, someone has made a list about it. So whether you’re an introvert or extravert, neurotic or normal, have Low-Maintenance Fashion Sense or are at the top of the fashion food chain…think twice before insisting that others value you only for your adopted group. Personally, I’d rather value you as an individual, no matter what your personal habits are or what list you share on Twitter.
So, there you have it. If I’m to follow my own advice, I probably shouldn’t share this post. Neither should you. Unless, of course, you also think there could be some harm in the “list” trend. I’m interested to see what the Internet is like in five years, whether listing is still a thing or not! If it is, feel free to ignore everything I just said.
“Holy movie moguls, Batman!” Yes, that’s a real quote from the show, but corny euphemisms were not the only topic of discussion in the original 1960s TV series. Both hero and villain alike spend time exploring motivation. From Officer Gordon speculating on the crook’s “motive” to the sinister knuckle-cracking speeches by the grinning crooks themselves, the 
audience is left to wonder…why.
Why on earth are two billionaires in silly get ups forced to spend half an hour (minus commercials) chasing super-villains in even sillier get ups? While the Penguin’s black tie ensemble is certainly dashing, he’s not my first choice for the Hollywood red carpet.
Of course, the major reason Batman villains commit the crime is for the money. Part of it is for the notoriety. A significant portion, however, is reserved simply for the love of it. The Penguin gets a huge kick out of planning his “capers” and is comically Quixotic in his quest to outsmart Batman and pull off the most sinister, elaborate scheme he can think of. In short, villainy has become an essential part of his nature, and he commits crime for the sake of crime.
Batman barely scratches the surface of motivation for the “bad guys,” but it’s by no means alone. The newer the villain, the more likely that he or she spends time exploring motivation. Take Elsa, for example. Frozen’s major premise is th
at there is no villain. By thoroughly digesting her back-story, we are no longer left with a “villain” but a fully sympathetic character who we would be horrified to see behind the bars of Gotham City Jail. Even Hans, the true villain of the story, has a viable reason for wreaking havoc in the kingdom–he’s the 13th son and is doomed to a life of invisibility and neglect.
By contrast, villains in older stories provide barely any insight into their motivation. The sneering outlaw who lashes the buxom prairie gal to the tracks before the strapping, steel-eyed deputy knocks him on the jaw and sells him up the river is rarely, if ever, asked why he did it. Perhaps, just that morning, she had kicked his little dog on her way to the service entrance of the local saloon.
A prime example of this new focus on motivation is Maleficent. In the original Disney classic, the wicked fairy goes off on everyone ostensibly because she wasn’t invited to the party, but mostly 
because she has a black, twisted soul and a penchant for morphing into a vicious, fire-breathing dragon. In the more recent retelling, Angelina Jolie’s title character has a childhood, a history, and a clear descent from light into darkness. Jolie’s Maleficent beautifully portrays the character’s deep and wrenching betrayal, followed by the ensuing heartbreak and thirst for vengeance.
While exploring other’s motivations is a helpful tool for peace and harmony in this world, it could be a disastrous element if left to run rampant in pop culture. While the motivation motif is certainly an excellent way to foster empathy in thousands of young viewers, perhaps there are negative effects, as well. In the same way that the Joker committed crimes because it was his natural inclination, Batman and Robin were committed to eradicating crime because they believed in the safety of Gotham. Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson would have had a lot more fun sipping tea in Wayne Manor, rather than gallivanting around as caped crusaders. Like Superman, The Lone Ranger, and Robin Hood, they left the Bat-cave and fought “evil” simply because they believed it was the right thing to do.
The concern in exploring the motivation of only the antagonist is that, by empathizing with villains, there is a greater chance of committing villainies ourselves. Is it ok, for example, to take revenge on our friends when they betray us? Many modern protagonists might say so, as revenge is also a common theme in film (hint, hint, Spiderman). By de-emphasizing heroes’ and heroine’s motivation to do good, we run the risk of failing to commit kind, peaceful, or generous acts simply because it is the right thing to do. Say what you will about those vintage heroes, but never doubt that they had the moral courage to resist injustice as best they knew how.
How much time do we spend every day planning our next move?
Shower time is the best: I’ve written more speeches in the shower than I would care to admit. And by speeches, I mean what I would have said, if only I had had the guts.
I spend more than half of my time thinking about what I’ve just done, what I’m doing now, and what I’m going to do next. Am I doing this right? What am I going to do next? How should I do that so it’s perfect? What am I going to say? How can I say that so it’s exactly what I mean? And so on and so forth.
Sound exhausting? That depends. For me, it’s the only way I function. In fact, I even think about thinking about things–I wrote half of this post in my head during a walk across campus.
This means I am a high-self monitor. I care very deeply what impression I make on others and spend a great deal of effort trying to make sure that that impression is a positive one–in other words, I put on a show. As Shakespeare said, all the world’s a stage.
On the one hand, this seems like a useless waste of time, and stressful to boot. On the other, there are many people who would benefit from thinking about something at least one time before letting it out of their mouth.
My family always jokes about causing a scene in public, because they know the emotional distress it will cause me. I can remember bursting into tears in kindergarten because I had to ask to go to the bathroom during class time. All the other 5-year-olds in the room turned to look at me, and I know they were silently judging me. Why can’t that girl get it together? they were thinking. I still physically shudder over social gaffes I committed at the age of 9.
I took an online sorter to see how high of a self-monitor I really am, and got a score of 92.98%. That’s an A-, academically speaking. Am I a fake? A phony? A heartless deceiver who lies about my feelings because I am obsessed with my self-image?
If you are also a high-self monitor, you will likely be appalled to think you are in the same boat. In our individualist culture, we are viewed as the chameleons of society–the spineless, shiftless, seedy characters who haunt casinos and claw their way up the social ladder by scraping, bowing, and licking everyone’s shoes. We’re not supposed to do that–we do what we want! We don’t need to think about our actions before we do them! No way, no how!
For me, I think it’s because I really do love almost everyone and seriously cringe every time I think I may have hurt someone inadvertently. So I spend a lot of time tiptoeing around everyone and trying to make them as comfy as possible, for fear of being the bull cheerfully thrashing its way through the China shop.
Which is the better way of being? I imagine somewhere in the middle. So I spend time working on my careless skills. How do I do this? Mostly by repeating, loudly and emphatically, that “I do what I want!” Freud would chide me for my hyperactive superego. Ah, well.
Making this an all-consuming project is where this gets to be a bad thing. I think everyone, to a degree, puts on a show for others. It seems nowadays that the most popular is the “devil-may-care” script. People go out of their way to make it clear to everyone that they don’t care what others think. They want everyone to know that what they are doing is “unpopular” and they are completely fine with it. The ironic thing is that so many people do this that it’s actually now the popular thing to do, and in my opinion it’s impossible, anyway. Everybody cares! Everyone wants to be included and loved. That’s what makes us human.
In fact, I think those who make such a big deal about “not caring” are those that care the most. Though such façades are sure to be thick and impenetrable, I don’t believe in them. Everyone puts on a show of some kind. And to those people I say, good for you! We can be chameleons together.
Through the years I have learned to rehearse my show less, and find more joy in the doing of it. That, I think, is where we can find a balance.
PS: Guess how many times I revised this?
Ruminations In Communication 